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Friday, September 2, 2011

What do you miss?

In celebration of losing 11 pounds this week, I have decided to share with you one of my proudest moments.  Please see the below IM conversation and let me know what you think,.  I may write a book...  

Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
oops there was bacon on my keyboard
Thomas says:
I'm trying to think of something to say in response that couldn't be construed as possibly offensive.  damn that I'm your boss
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
And why now would u behave?
a piece of bacon fell off my breakfast sandwich
but since ur in love with bacon I had to share
Thomas says:
and i appreciate it!
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Well u and Chandler put it out there
Thomas says:
oh yeah
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
becca wants u to get bacon therapy
Thomas says:
i used to raise pigs
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Thomas says:
and would pet them like dogs
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Thomas says:
my three favorite were named "Bacon, Sausage, and pork chop"
i raised them for a year
fed them table scraps
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
then u had them for breakfast
Thomas says:
bought feed
cleaned their pens like you would a cat box, except with a shovel instead of a scooper
put down fresh hay
they would come up to me like puppies,
I would scratch their bellies
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Jesus, what movie is this from
Thomas says:
and sometimes, we would even go for walks in the woods, I would tie some rope around their necks and just go enjoy the sunshine
i actually enjoyed spending time with them, they became like my kids
then, one day, in early fall, I brought a pickup load of corn home
like deer corn, you know?
I began adding a bucket of corn to their feed a day
slowly, the pure corn made them bulk up
you could see them getting fatter, putting on weight in the shoulders and rump
their bellies began drooping a little,
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
urkilling me
Thomas says:
and every time I looked at them, they seemed to look back with a knowing smile
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
No one believes the IM convos you and Chandler trap me in!
Thomas says:
as if, as if. as if they KNEW what was going on
in the mornings, they no longer jumped up on the fence when I came out, they just sat back and stared at me
I began having trouble getting in the pens with them
they were getting big, and were acting rough
slowly, I think they began to resent me
like intuition sparked something in them
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Thomas says:
then one day, when they reached about 200 pounds, I backed the trailer to the pen
I tried to lure "bacon" inside with a plate of potato peelings and apple cores, her favorite
but she refused to go
then I tried chasing them inside
they wouldn't budge
Since I knew it was time, i resorted to harsher measures
I hit them
I used a stick, slapped them across the withers, and on the rump
it made me cry a little
and I can tell, it made them cry too
slowly, one by one, they walked up the ramp
bacon last of all, and right before crossing the threshold, she turned her head back to look at me, and I swear, there was a little piggy tear in the corner of her eye
like I was a traitor, I had betrayed them
with a heavy heart, I swung the gate closed.  the sound it made on that cold morning as it shut was like a prison door
it made all of us jump
I latched it securely, and walked towards the front
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
wtf is with u
Thomas says:
trailing my hand across the backs of my best friends on the way
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Mark is enjoying his lil bedtime story
he is crying a bit for poor lil bacon
Thomas says:
I got behind the wheel of the truck, hesitating before starting it up
"Was I doing the right thing?"
"Do I have to do this?"
finally, I steeled my nerves, started the pickup and turned the radio on full blast, to try and drown the screaming and crying
my own screaming and crying
the place I was taking them too was about an hour away
that's a long time to think about something this final
10 times, I wanted to stop and turn around
10 times, I made myself not
every time I looked in the mirror, i saw my little ones
but they weren't sad
they had resigned themselves to this eventuality
they knew it was unavoidable
that made me smile
that if they could accept it, so could I
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
your going to therapy!
Thomas says:
I began whistling to myself, trying to lift my spirits
and it began to work, I was daydreaming, of me and the pigs
running thru the woods, digging up mushrooms, splashing in the creek
just laying on the warm grass, looking up at the clouds
it was at that moment that I knew, there was no going back

Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene just sent you a nudge.

Thomas says:
that everything had come down to this
it was time
I reached our destination and backed up to the unloading dock
I was prepared for another fight when unloading but to my surprise, everyone trotted out with no problem
Pork Chop even nuzzled my hand when I reached in to pet him
as if to say, "It's OK, you're not to blame"
once inside, i couldn't bear to watch, I had to watch, I couldn't, I did.
I began to cry, huge racking sobs shook my body, and then it was over
then I was driving home
looking in the mirror, wanting to see three pink little faces
only seeing blue igloo coolers...
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
Thomas says:
and that was the moment
that was the moment that I truly knew
that moment, that with such clarity, made me realize,
bacon is never gone
everything is about bacon. 
Amanda-MC/WFM Abilene says:
I hate you

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